How Jolly
by Metarie
Summary: For a Secret Santa exchange on LJ. After movie night on the Enterprise, several members of the crew have some interesting experiences while on an away mission. Complete crack.


_**Disclaimer: I own neither Star Trek nor The Nightmare Before Christmas.**_

_**A/N: Heh… this was for the st_santa exchange on LJ. The prompt was "Nightmare Before Christmas (do what you will)." So... I did. **_

-

Most of the crew is gone for the winter holidays, having been granted shore leave for two weeks. Vacation is almost over, however, and everyone will be returning in the morning. The senior officers, who were all required to return a day early, are spending the last night before they ship back out in Astrometrics. It's the best place on the _Enterprise_ to hold movie nights.

"I thought this was Christmas movie night," said Sulu, looking at the screen in confusion.

"This _is_ a Christmas movie," says Uhura. "Shhh."

"But it's about Halloween," says Sulu. "I watched this when I was a kid, it scared the shit out of me."

"Guys, shut up," says Kirk, irritably. He's sitting in the front row. "No talking."

"It has ze vord Christmas in ze title," Chekov points out.

"But they're singing about scaring people," Sulu argues. "I mean, the guy in it is the king of Halloween Town, and in the end he decides he likes Halloween more than Christmas."

"Geez, spoiler alert," says Gaila, from the back. "Thanks a lot..."

"It's about both holidays," says Chapel. "That's the whole point."

"I believe it would benefit everyone watching the film if we all remained silent for its duration," says Spock, who is only present because it was Uhura's movie choice.

"Thank you, Spock," says Uhura.

"That guy seriously needs to eat a sandwich," says Gaila.

"He's a skeleton," says McCoy. "He doesn't have a stomach."

"GUYS," says Kirk, actually turning around. "I will make it an order if I have to." He turns back around. "I love this movie," he mumbles. "I watch it every Christmas. You guys are going to ruin it."

Rand, sitting next to Kirk, looks back at everyone and rolls her eyes. They all know by now what the captain's like with his movies.

Everyone shuts up.

-

A week later, they're in orbit around an uninhabited M-class planet. Kirk is in the ready room with Spock planning the away mission, which looks like it will be a fairly simple. Beam down, look around, take some samples, add it to the database and move along.

Meanwhile, Sulu is trying to ignore Chekov, who won't stop singing various songs from the movie they watched last week.

"Zere are children zrowing snowballs here instead of zrowing heads, zey are busy building toys and abzolutely no one's dead - "

"Dude, stop it, seriously," Sulu says, finally cracking. "Why? Just... why?"

"I am sorry," says Chekov, not sounding sorry at all. "I wery much enjoyed zat movie."

"Yeah, I can tell," says Sulu.

Kirk and Spock come out of the ready room, and Kirk reads off the list of crewmembers assigned to the away mission. Sulu isn't on the list - Chekov is, along with Gaila and Spock.

"Thank God," Sulu mutters, as Chekov bounds into the turbolift with the captain and first officer.

-

Scotty has the conn while the away team is down on the planet. Nothing much happens until after several hours, Spock contacts the ship.

"Away team requesting assistance," he says, crisply. "Any follow up teams must wear full body protective gear."

"Understood, Mr. Spock," says Uhura. "What's happening down there?"

No response.

"_Enterprise_ to away team," says Scotty.

Still nothing.

Uhura, Scotty, and Sulu all exchange glances.

"Lieutenants," says Scotty, nodding to them. "Ms. Slater, would you also care to join us? Your scientific expertise would be appreciated."

"Yes sir."

The four of them head for the transporter room.

-

They arrive on the planet, all wearing matching hazmat suits.

"I don't get it," says Sulu, looking around. "This looks just like Earth."

Slater examines her tricorder. "According to these readings, there's nothing that says we wouldn't be able to breathe here," she says. "The atmosphere has almost exactly the same ratio of oxygen and nitrogen as Earth's atmosphere. Nothing hazardous is showing up at all."

"Well, Mr. Spock wouldn't've told us to wear these suits if they weren't for some reason necessary," says Scotty. "Let's spread out - they're supposed to be right around here - "

Sulu finds them first, wandering around a small grove of plants that are tall and sturdy like trees, but instead of leaves the branches are full of large fragrant blue blossoms that hang down to eye level.

He doesn't see anyone initially. He's just walking along, minding his own business, when suddenly, the captain appears out of nowhere and grabs his arm.

_"Sulu._ Thank God you're here," he says, eyes wide and frantic. He's gasping like he's been running for his life. "You have to help us. We're being chased."

Sulu is alarmed and he reaches for his phaser. "What is it, sir? Natives? This planet was supposed to be uninhabited - " Of course there were natives. None of these planets were ever really uninhabited.

"No, no, Sulu. It's Oogie Boogie."

Sulu isn't sure he heard right. "I'm... sorry, sir, did you just say - "

"Oogie Boogie. He lives here. He lives on this planet."

"Um..."

"I have to warn the others," Kirk says, and Sulu stares after him as he runs off.

Sulu looks around warily. No sign of Oogie Boogie, or anything resembling him.

He gets out his communicator. "Mr. Scott, I found the captain. I think the others might be nearby - "

Someone screams, making Sulu jump. He dashes towards the sound, phaser in hand, to find Gaila crouching at the base of a tree, holding her arm.

"Gaila? Are you all right?" Sulu asks, bending down in concern. "Is your arm hurt?"

"It's going to fall off," she gasps. "Oh my god. It's about to fall off. The thread is coming out, and then my arm is going to fall off, and then I'm going to have to sew it back on, but it's just going to fall off again because the thread is so thin, and - " She starts crying.

"Gaila, your arm is fine," says Sulu, trying to be comforting instead of exasperated. "Look at it. It's perfectly okay, no threads or anything - "

"OH MY GOD," she says, staring down at her arm in horror. "THE THREAD ALREADY CAME OUT. OH MY GOD, I'M BARELY HOLDING TOGETHER."

"What's wrong with her?" asks Slater, coming around a couple of the tree-plants.

"I have no idea," says Sulu. "She thinks her arm is falling off."

Slater scans Gaila with her tricorder. "There's nothing physically wrong with her…"

"How can you say that!" cries Gaila. "My arm is _falling off!"_

"What do you think?" Sulu asks Slater.

"I'm not sure. But..." She looks up at the large blossoms hanging above their heads, then starts running another scan.

"You think she's allergic to those flowers?"

"Maybe," says Slater.

Kirk runs by, screaming about Oogie Boogie again.

"You think he's allergic to it too?" Sulu asks, jabbing a thumb in Kirk's direction.

"What is he talking about?" Slater asks, looking completely confused. "What's... Oogie Boogie? Is that what he's saying?"

"It's from this movie we watched last week," Sulu says.

"Is that Chekov?" Slater asks, looking over Sulu's shoulder.

Sulu turns around to see Chekov dancing and running around in a nearby clearing. He's singing.

"What's zis, what's zis? Zere's color ewerywhere! What's zis, what's zis? Zere's white zings in ze air - "

"I hate that song," says Sulu, through gritted teeth.

"He's obviously hallucinating," says Slater, trying not to laugh.

"Chekov," Sulu calls, unable to help himself. "It isn't snowing. This isn't Christmas Town."

"What's zis, what's zis? Zere's something wery wrong - "

"That's an understatement," Scotty says, walking up and surveying the scene before him. Gaila is trying to sew her still very much attached arm back on with an invisible needle and thread, Chekov is attempting to make snow angels in non-existent snow, and Kirk is still running from tree to tree trying to hide from a monstrous burlap sack that only he can see.

"I think it's the pollen from these flowers," says Slater. "They're having a severe reaction to it."

"Makes sense," says Scotty.

Uhura rushes up to them, looking worried. "Has anyone seen Spock?" she asks. "I can't find him anywhere..."

"No, we haven't seen him," says Sulu.

"I am here," says Spock's disembodied voice, startling everyone.

All four of them look up. Spock is perched in the tree above them.

"Spock," says Uhura, relieved. "What are you doing up there?"

"I grow weary of my existence as the Pumpkin King," Spock answers, solemnly.

"Oh my god," says Sulu.

Uhura starts trying to coax Spock out of the tree, but the Vulcan stubbornly refuses.

"Do I need to see this movie?" asks Slater.

"I'm not sure," says Sulu, as Kirk lets out a shriek and collapses in the fetal position in the middle of the clearing, presumably because Oogie Boogie has caught up to him. Chekov almost trips on him. "It seems like it might be more traumatizing than it's worth."

"Well, we should get them back up to the ship," says Scotty, sighing.

"While they're like this?" asks Slater.

"Well, naturally we'll have to have Dr. McCoy put them through decontamination before they can be treated. We don't want them spreading their crazy to the rest of the crew."

"Right," says Sulu, slowly. "And really, who knows how long that'll take?"

"Ages," says Scotty, nodding.

"My tricorder takes video," says Slater.

"High five," says Sulu.

* * *

_**Hope you enjoyed!**_


End file.
